


I Won’t Be Here In The Morning

by Oh_Ophelia1291



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Grief, Implied sucidal thoughts, Kayano is babie, M/M, Murder, karma dies sorry, nagisa and karma are in college
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:07:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25694779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oh_Ophelia1291/pseuds/Oh_Ophelia1291
Summary: 3-E was the start of everything. It built a bond between a class and their teachers where everyone trusted each other until the end.5 years later Nagisa and Karma have gone through the biggest changes but it takes one night, one bullet, one man for it all to crumble.Nagisa will be left in the debris.(Rated mature just to be safe)
Relationships: Akabane Karma & Kayano Kaede, Akabane Karma & Shiota Nagisa, Akabane Karma/Shiota Nagisa, Kayano Kaede & Shiota Nagisa
Comments: 6
Kudos: 40
Collections: Assassination Classroom Big Bang 2020





	I Won’t Be Here In The Morning

**Author's Note:**

> I’m so sorry this sucks I’ve not had a lot of time to work on it but please enjoy regardless!

Snippets of The Diary of Shiota Nagisa.

Written By Kayano Kaede, In memory of friends lost.  
  


Dear Diary, Akabane Karma is a grade A asshole.

How is he my best friend again? Karma and I decided to celebrate our graduation together. We did what we always do these nowadays: sit in a park with some smacks and secretly judge people.

Sometime’s we’d imitate them, sometimes we’d joke about how ridiculous people are and sometimes, if we’re lucky, we’d get to eavesdrop on some drama people were having in the street or talking about near us.

For example, at one point there was a girl cheating on her and was having a staring contest with her boyfriend’s other girlfriend... Karma thought it was the perfect time to whistle the final duel music from that western movie They Good, The Bad And The Ugly’. I spent five minutes afterwards attempting to lecture him without laughing my ass off.

Out of nowhere, he says to me: “Nagisa, when we start university, I want you to move in with me.”

What an asshole, asking me something so important out of the blue.

Regardless of how he ‘asked’, I’m still happy. He’s my best friend!

Dear Diary, We went to view apartments the other day. I’ve been restless with excitement for the past week, actually. It was worth it, the apartment was amazing in person. Is was quite big for the price, Karma thinks someone died in the apartment or something.

It’s definitely going to be home, though, even if Karma keeps plotting out how the previous owner died.

All it needs is some life- Karma and I both agree it’d feel less like a hotel room after living in it for a while to make it more ‘us’. Karma asked me what my opinion was when the landlord was chattering on and on about something or other. 

I loved it, I told him that, but I wanted to know what he thought. Karma didn’t really mind much. In his word: ‘A home is a home’. I’ll admit, the word home made me smile. I don’t know what it was. Maybe it’s because my mom and I haven’t ever really been the same even though she and dad are trying again. I just see what she did every time I look at her.

I feel guilty, but it’s not something I can control.

Karma himself doesn’t really consider his house a home. As much as Karma loves his privacy, even he gets lonely. We finished getting ready to move in yesterday with the help of Kayano, though she felt the need to film everything.

When Kayano and I walked into what would be my room we found Karma surrounded by pieces of wood that were supposed to be a wardrobe. It was hilarious to see Mr Know-It-All frazzled and bewildered by some instructions. I thought it’d be best to help, after all, it was my wardrobe he was building.

Needless to say, an hour later Kayano came back from sorting the dishes only to find me just as confused as Karma.

Kayano built is quicker than us.

We put up shelves and photo frames whilst she was building the wardrobe. Time not wasted is time well spent or whatever. By the end of it all, we were exhausted and all sprawled around on the floor before we all agreed to just sleep there for the night.

That’s all for today. ~Nagisa.

Dear Diary, I’m glad I moved in with Karma, but something feels weird when I’m with him, now. I feel all giddy. I’ve felt like that for a while, honestly, since before we were in 3-E.

It’s just that now it feels different. Somehow. I don’t know, maybe it’s nothing. Maybe it’s just what happens when you live with your best friend for a year.

Dear Diary,

After a lot of thinking I might be coming to a conclusion. It’s one my mom is gonna hate me for, my friends might all abandon me for and Karma might do both. I think I like him. I have for a while. I don’t really feel like this for anyone else. It’s not that he’s my only best friend. 

Kayano is my best friend as well but I don’t feel the same way about her. It’s not that we’re living together because, like I said I’ve felt like this for a while. Anyway maybe it could even be love? I mean, I’d do anything for Karma- he’s the best part of my day. It’s all just so complicated. Whatever.

That’s all anyway. ~Nagisa.

Dear Diary, You realise you love someone and a year later it either bites you in the ass or you get rewarded for it. We had just bought groceries, we kind of had to because last time Karma didn’t get everything we needed. He was ‘distracted’. By that he probably means he bumped into Terasaka again and decided to terrorise him.

Anyway there’s more important things to address here. We left the grocery store and just as we started walking, Karma called for my attention. He looked so flustered, I doubt you’d be able to tell the difference from skin to hair! 

He took a while before he told me he had to tell me something important. I waited for him to gain courage (which at the time was honestly really unsettling because Karma is always so egotistical you wouldn’t see him without courage- unless of course you’re talking about cockroaches). 

He told me he loves me. I laughed at him, which honestly probably wasn’t a good idea because he looked like he was ready to either throw up, run or both. I told him I felt the same before he could do any of that, though. 

He seemed to misunderstand me. He thought I was saying it platonically, I think, because he emphasised the fact that it was romantic love and not platonic. For a genius, he’s really stupid. I said to him, “I know. I love you, too.” His face lit up, but it took him a minute to process it. That’s a perfect amount of time to tease him, of course, so I took that chance hands on. He shut me up quickly; he kissed me. I never felt so fulfilled.

Dear Diary, Today was Karma’s 20th birthday. I hope he enjoyed his day. I treated him to dinner. Sadly it wasn’t anything fancy- I’m not making much money at the store I’m working at and most of it goes to rent. He seemed to enjoy it, anyway. Karma being Karma he got a strawberry milkshake (plus a huge burger which is understandable, he’s 6” and in his words he has ‘a figure to maintain’).

I got him a present, obviously. One of my classmates that I’m friends with was selling a limited edition issue of Sonic Ninja. Something about him buying one when his aunt also got him one for Christmas. I bought it off of him since I know Karma and I don’t have that issue. At least then I’d be able to enjoy it, too. Don’t tell Karma.

Dear diary, Karma’s in the hospital. We had a run in with some robbers in an alley. Not sure how we keep finding ourselves in these situations. If Korosensei was here we’d both be fine. Of course, he’s not here and Karma’s not fine.

There were 3 (maybe 4) guys who thought I was a girl. I was waiting outside of the store for Karma to get us some drinks, so Karma wasn’t there. They thought I was a girl with short hair, or something? It was pretty insulting, but I ignored it. People comment on it all of the time.

They came over to me and asked for my backpack but I ignored them. It was pretty dumb of me, honestly, but Karma came out of the shop right on time. They were pretty shaken up when Karma asked them to leave me alone, especially since Karma was taller than all of them (though not by much in one guy’s case) but one of them were dumb enough to demand Karma to get me to handover my backpack.

What did they want, anyway? I didn’t have any money, just books for school and this journal that my therapist suggested I used.

Karma was giving them a beat down, as he does. I’m glad we were in an alley or Karma would’ve been in big trouble. Then again, if he got caught maybe he’d be staying in a cell overnight rather than a hospital. Things escalated and somehow I was pulled into the fight.

Something went wrong and before I knew it Karma was bleeding from a bullet wound and all of the guys were gone. My vision was a little burry for a moment, though, I think I was hit by something because my lip was bleeding.

I put pressure on the wound to try and stop the bleeding but his stomach was bleeding really badly. I promised him that he’d be okay.

I could hear some people nearby calling for help. Karma calmed me down and asked me if I was okay.

It was dumb of him to ask me that, he’d just gotten shot! He went unconscious after that. I was so worried I started crying until the ambulance came. I should go, the doctor is back with results.

I’ll write down what they said soon. ~Nagisa.

Dear Diary, They pronounced him dead. I feel so guilty.

I’ll talk soon. ~Nagisa.

Dear Diary, It was his funeral today.

Kayano went with me to keep me company. I don’t know why. She knows I’m not alone. Karma’s there. It’s not the real him but it fills the silence in the apartment.

He’d distract me from school work until late at night or he’d sit by my bed when I’m trying to sleep and go on and on for hours about random Karma things or he’d talk about how guilty I feel. It hurt to see Real Karma in the coffin. It was like he was sleeping. For a moment I convinced myself he was taking another nap because he’s a lazy ass.

He was dressed like Karma would dress himself for a fancy party or something: a red button-up, black tie and black blazer to match. I wanted to poke his cheek or something to wake him up.

I stared for a good few minutes just waiting for him to open his eyes and sit up, joking about how gullible I am. I stroked his cheek, but he didn’t wake up. I felt so disgusting stood there.

It felt like everyone was giving me pitiful looks. I knew they were, I could feel them on my skin. It felt like I was being doused with water- my clothes, my hair, hell- even my skin felt so much heavier with how they were looking at me. I kind of wanted to run or something. I didn’t, though.

Part of me felt I owed him that much, another part of me wanted to be there and a third part made me glance over every few minutes as people said goodbyes, as I said goodbye and as the priest spoke. I just expected him to sit up. It never felt like Karma could die. Ghost Karma was talking during some of the speeches. 

At one point he complained endlessly about how ironic it was that the Red Devil of 3E was being buried so religiously. It wasn’t easy getting him to be quiet, both because Kayano kept giving me this damn look and because he started protesting against me scolding him. He went on and on about how he’s a host and that nobody could notice him. He danced around people, singing and making faces. I shushed him again, but one of his colleagues who had been talking heard me, thinking I was talking to him. 

He apologised, but apparently that wasn’t enough for Ghost Karma. He started complaining about how rude it was for him to talk during his funeral, somehow even more offended that it was work related. I tried to ignore him, but it was kind of compelling to see Karma in his normal attire and whining like he always does. It would’ve been nice to pretend it was reality, but I know that would just hurt me even more.

Talk to you soon. ~Nagisa.

Dear Diary, I’m here to complain about another dream. It’s the same one as before, honestly. Karma’s funeral. It was just weirdly different this time. It was his funeral, sure, but it also wasn’t?

Everything was black but his coffin and me, and suddenly flowers started filling up his coffin. Every time a flower filled the casket, he sank a little more into the darkness. I did what I could to stop it. I pulled the flowers out but that just doubled the amount of flowers.

At one point I was so desperate I just tried pulling him out but as I did the darkness started swallowing me up, too. Eventually Karma was gone, and I was left waist deep in the darkness. I pulled myself out, but when I did I fell face first.

Instead of hitting the ground, I just kept falling and falling through black, white and grey. Eventually I was on a grey platform, and something started telling me to pick one side or the other. I could either walk to black or to white. I chose white. And then I woke up.

Dear Diary, Kayano is worried. I slip up too much by turning to Karma and talking to him, almost mistaking him for being there for a second. I don’t go into his room, it stays locked and untouched to just collect dust.

I don’t want her to worry, it’s just difficult to process. I know he’s not coming back, I know Ghost Karma isn’t him. Sometimes, though, I feel so guilty I can’t keep my food down.

I just want him to be okay so then I would stop blaming myself. I know talking to a figure of my imagination isn’t going to cure that, but the thought of it is just so tempting.

Dear Diary, Since I’ve had that dream I have it every night and every time I choose white. I don’t know what calls me to it, but something makes me want to choose it. Maybe I’m just scared of what comes after with the black.

Dear Diary, It’s the one year anniversary of Karma’s death and it feels unbearable. He’s chatting about everything more than ever and all I want is to stop him because he’s not Karma.

He’s a phantom.

His entire existence is to mock the fact that I lost him every day. We all gathered to remember him, everyone in 3E, or I guess what’s left of it.

It was nice until I got back to the apartment. I decided to go into his room for the first time in a year. It was all dark with dust and from closed curtains and no light. I didn’t bother to let any light in. I just wanted to be in his presence. 

As I sat there, water trickled into the bedroom, the same as it does every night. I knew what was coming. The room was half full, but I didn’t focus on any of that. I was more interested that nothing was disturbed by the water, as though I was the only one aware of its presence- threatening to suffocate me of everything good I’ve felt until I’m just numb.

Then the room filled completely and there was nothing there anymore. Just me and miles and miles of water. It was different again this time. Instead of 20-year-old Karma stood there, hands in his pockets and grinning his devil may care grin, it was 15-year-old Karma sat on a lonely gravestone, untouched and unbothered. Karma looked up at me with a soft smile, so unlike him, but it looked like such a sad smile.

The perfect juxtaposition.

I could do nothing but swim for him- I don’t know why I do or what compels me to. Maybe it’s the lost look in his eyes, maybe it’s the desperation for him in some way. I just wanted to see him. I wanted my boyfriend back. 

His hand reached out for me as I reached for his, but just as they touched yellow ribbon knotted around our hands and suddenly it all exploded.

The void was peaceful, as always. It’s black one half and white on the other, whilst at the centre of it all is me on the floating grey surface in the middle of the endless abyss of the blinding black and empty white.

It was time to choose once again.

I reflected on the past year, how difficult it has been for me and how much I just want to see him and Korosensei again. I just want to live forgetting any of the problems that the universe has put in my way.

But I couldn’t (wouldn’t) think like that. I wanted to live for me and for Karma and Korosensei. I have goals and friends to fight for.

The circle had gotten much smaller as time went by. Time was almost up. I had to make my choice.

I took a moment to reflect. I had to consider if I should give in to what’s difficult or if I should fight this uphill battle again and again until it’s bearable?

5 seconds. 4, 3, 2, 1.

I make my choice and took a leap. It’ll be the last time I have to make that choice. I chose black.

And suddenly it all made sense why I went for white. But I’ll stick to my choice.

Thank you. ~Nagisa.

A note from Kayano Kaede:

I would like to share a moment to thank Nagisa for being my friend and for always being there for me to the bitter end. I’d also like to ask Karma, whenever he is, to protect Nagisa. I hope they find peace. Many parts of this diary have been removed.

This is for four reasons: I want to assure Nagisa that his most private and intimate thoughts stay with those he loved and trusted. I don’t think it best for me to reveal them.

Another is by request of our friends who want to keep special memories within our group, again, as privacy.

A third is that Shiota Nagisa, along with the students of 3E were involved with a government conspiracy 10 years ago when an assassin-turned-science-experiment became a threat to international safety. By word of the government, a lot of this has been censored.

And finally, an estimated total of 63 pages are missing from the diary. The students of 3E have been working tirelessly to find those pages; we know they are still around because two pages have been found.

We will work to piece together the 5 years of thoughts documented by Nagisa.

Thank you for reading.

Signed, Kayano Kaede


End file.
